The Perfectly Non-Existent Partner: Why We Desperately Cling to the Mythical Celebrity Crush
Explorations of why we fall in love with stars, and how this desire reflects the way rejection determines self-image in a romantic context.
Oh boy. The infatuation with a famous person we've never met. Somehow, we feel like we know them better than most of our past romantic interests. The classic case of the celebrity crush, it seems so bizarre, right? Sure, images of stars are plastered on every building or billboard in sight, but the false relationships we partake in go far beyond our lust for the physically appealing. People fall in love with stars not only because they appear to be corporally flawless, but also because of the persona they act out. Timothee Chalamet's light-hearted yet nonchalant attitude alongside his ability to come off as deep and artsy makes him the perfect sensitive indie soft-boi that many young people long for. Others place their desire in those who are family-oriented and friendly on the inside despite outward appearances of pure muscle like The Rock or Chris Hemsworth. We seek what we fail to find in our current lives in these famous personas. In my inner circle, the standard choices of celebrity crush are all over the place:
Bill Hader
Donald Glover
Kristen Stewart
Sebastian Stan
Tom Holland
Brad Pitt
Zendaya
Andy Samberg
Nathan Fielder
Jason Momoa
Chris Evans
Michael B. Jordan
Harry Styles
When I asked my friends about these crushes, it seemed these choices mainly revolved around personality. I found myself doing the same thing explaining to my friends why I was SO obsessed with Andrew Garfield in high school. "He's so friendly, a bit awkward in a CUTE way, and just confident enough without coming off as cocky, ya know?"
Sheesh, I am a living cliché.
We have all heard the same argument over and over again. The naysayers refer to themselves as realists, while I prefer the term soul-crushers, always with the same debate: "You don't actually know these people! What are these people actually like behind the scenes? How can you have a crush on someone you've never met in person?"
Look, I get it. I took a whole film module called Stars, where they explain bit by bit how film stars are just constructed images, and these people project their personas in interviews and other behind the scenes aspects as a part of this image. (Richard Dyer explains it far better than I do if you want to deepen your awareness on the topic, my blabbing only skims the surface). It's true. I have never met Tom Holland, so I don't know what he'd be like, or if we would find our personalities to mesh as effortlessly as I believe they would. (Okay, but wouldn't they?) He could genuinely be a cyborg for all I know. I guess the question at stake here is why? Why, against our better judgment, do we fall for these false images and fake romantic connections?
I believe it depends on the person and the situation, but I think humanity's disappointment with romance generalizes these ersatz love patterns. I am aware that sounds quite dire, but the fact of the matter is that romance can be quite depressing. We have normalized and accepted this conception of romantic failure in the everyday to the point where we accept false realities of positive romantic experience as the new norm.
This escapism in the current era might be understood due to modern anti-rejection culture. It seems to me that throughout life, in all forms, rejection has been made out to be one of the most shameful and embarrassing occurrences that can happen to a person.
Rejection has many a face, but the most detrimental to a young adult seems to be the romantic one. Thus, dating apps tend to be a preferred method of partner search because we are offered a protective shield through our screens. Similar to stars, we can hide behind a projected persona. Therefore, we can blame this barrier when things don't work out through terms of miscommunication, such as 'catfishing' or 'ghosting'.
Even behind the unmarked walls of a phone screen that mildly shield us, there is a constant threat of another person perceiving us negatively. I am not here to pinpoint the cause of this terror. It could be due to social media's constant pressure on everyone to portray a perfect version of their lives, the strangely competitive nature of young adults trying to navigate the world, or something utterly unrelated to anything I have said. Whatever the case, it is undoubtedly detrimental to our sense of livelihood.
We are led to comprehend rejection as a direct result of flaws of the self, and the self alone. To say someone rejected you because you are inherently ugly and stupid is, well, stupid. We participate in acts of rejection all the time: donation pledges, University scouts, that weird man handing out a mini-comic on how we are doomed and cannot be saved from our sins outside of McDonald's, and yes, even romantic interests. We know that when we have to reject something or someone, it is not on account of the physical and emotional value of the other person. It is mostly based upon our specific desires, interests, and general timing of our current lives. Rejection is a natural life experience that we cannot avoid, no matter how hard we try.
The fear of dismissal is grossly toxic because of the common mistranslation of rejection as: "Wow, no one loves you! You gross ugly loser!" Yet we abide by this translation relentlessly. Thus, there is temptation in fantastical affairs with our favourite stars. In the safehouse of our imagination, far from real life's woes, it is easy to play out these romantic idealizations. There is no need to run away from these stars due to the sheer physical and emotional distance in place. Rejection is not a genuine possibility because there are no expectations to meet. The celebrity crush takes on the appearance of a safe space that no one else can access.
Even so, celebrity figures' idolization might add to why we feel so flawed when we are rejected. Even more so, it might worsen fear of rejection because we perceive celebrities as so far above us. Because of this, it becomes necessary to only think of them romantically within the space of fabrication. Treating celebrities as deities based on their looks, fame, and fortune forces us to believe we are lesser forms of the same species, and that, of course, is outright ridiculous. Hierarchies lead us down remarkably problematic paths, as history has revealed to us time and time again. We mustn't forget that, from Beyoncé to that weird girl whose random articles appear on your Facebook page every once in a while, human beings are inherently flawed creatures.
It is comfortable to fall into the trap of setting real-life aside to play into personal fantasy for romantic and sexual desires. I am not necessarily trying to deem these mythic crushes as either valid or indecent. Society continues to project fear of rejection upon us, so inevitably, we become entangled in the web of our imaginative tendencies to escape this anxiety. It is essential to remember that although romantic rejection is not fun by any means, it is not a permanent reflection of the self. We all continuously perform acts of rejection as well as receive it. We should try to find aspects of the self that make us deserving of future happiness, rather than to focus on those we feel are responsible for our current dissatisfaction. A crush on a celebrity is typical, and most of the time, it is silly and fun. They are harmless as long as they do not distract us from what matters; our potential as material individuals existing in reality, all worthy of authentic, dazzling, and boundless love, in whatever manner we so desire.
Image Credit — Thumbnail Image: Michael B. Jordan, Image 1: VSCO daniellaxshannon, Image 2: GETTY IMAGES, Image 3: GETTY IMAGES