The Breakup Breakdown
POV: you’ve just gone through a breakup. Or even just the loss of a connection cause we all know you don’t need a label for it to hurt. You’re feeling lost, alone, confused, the whole package. What’s the first thing you do? You cling onto articles, your old texts, YouTube Videos, Ted Talks for god’s sake trying to find some answers.
Some of these things can actually sincerely help while in the process of going through a breakup (Hint: Ted Talks). In fact, some of the information found from these sources will certainly be dispensed here. But this ~place~ will be generally encapsulate something different entirely. Maybe you’re wondering what this place is.
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Welcome to The Breakup Breakdown.
An on-going, anonymous, continuously updated catalogue of our community’s breakup feelings, advice, experiences, and existential questions.
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Why you might ask? The truth is, none of those sources mentioned in the first paragraph are going to give you that true peace of mind you’re looking for. Don’t get me wrong, the tips and tricks out there can be kinda lifesaving sometimes, but the reality is, at the end of the day breakups are more complicated than that.
During a breakup, it often feels like all these little nuanced sensations have totally hijacked everything from your self-confidence, to your overall view of the world. So, I’ll say it, we might need more than a Huffington Post article. Moreover, sometimes we need more than a Pilot article. What if I told you maybe the real comfort isn’t in that list of “11 Ways to Survive a Breakup”, but instead found within the fact that millions of people are banking on that random ass list. I’ll expand.
Maybe, just maybe, the point isn’t to dissect these things and research them like they’re some sort of current event. Maybe, it’s just to try and relate to each other, and even surrender to the confusion that love can bring about. After all, albeit more positive, you’ve just experienced some of the deepest feelings that love has to offer. You know the hold it can have first-hand, so instead of desperately clinging onto some magical advice to get over it, maybe you let it run its course— and in the mean time, we can act as spectators together.
Don’t get me wrong, first and foremost, there are no wrong ways to process a breakup, (excluding substance abuse etc.) which is why this page includes every last reaction our readers share with us. That being said, don’t treat this as another breakup advice article. Some of what you’ll see may make no sense, or even be narratives that are plain unhelpful.
For that reason I’ll give somewhat of a Trigger Warning: if you’re used to only benefiting from totally logical, grounded breakup advice this isn’t it. But on this page, take comfort in the fact that other people don’t know what they’re doing either. Because frankly neither did Melissa from Elite Daily who told you to for the eightieth time to ‘Make yourself your #1 priority.” We gettt itttt.
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Add to the Page
Submission #01
A doctor once told me ”Because you didn't want to lose them, you lost yourself in the process. Find yourself again and you will find happiness”
Submission #02
I genuinely feel like I’m going through withdrawal. I guess it makes sense biologically cause I read the other day, “The intermittent love bombing, then pulling away, and confusion creates a dependency much like an addiction. Hormones, chemicals and behavioral conditioning create a dependency. Until the chain reaction is broken, the codependency will grow. Toxic bond.” Although I don’t think my relationship was exactly like that. I said we were toxic once out of anger and he seemed to like that as an excuse to stop fighting for me, but I don’t think that was actually our problem. Back to the point I guess, I feel the withdrawal when it comes to assurance. It’s like although it wasn’t the most long-term healthy thing, I always had him to reassure me and give me confidence. Now I know I just have to be that for myself which is daunting, but I did it on my own at one point so I think I’ll be able to do it again in the future.
Submission #03
with time, your body feels affection as affection,
and this is the bravery of returning to yourself
by Loré Yessuff
Submission #04
what happens when you feel like you were in a relationship that built you up and made you feel happy and fulfilled just to find out your partner has been feeling the opposite way. it was 4 years and i had no idea he always seemed so happy to me, I guess I'm just really struggling to understand. he says he still loves me but its killing me because he can never love me how I deserve although I felt like he was supooetive loving and caring towards me):
Submission #05
Um my experience is the breakup is even worse than I could have possibly imagined. Yes you learn but doesn't mean it was better than expected.
Submission #06
The only time a break up does not leave you broken is if you had no deep feelings for your ex. But if you TRULY loved him/her, then the truth is this: You are gonna be shattered, completely and utterly DEVASTATED. You would have to be made of stone to feel okay about breaking up with a person that you loved.
Submission #07
This was soooo good for me The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go | Jill Sherer Murray | TEDxWilmingtonWomen.
Submission #08
Soon as he said 'we need to talk' my heart sank.
Submission #09
WATCH THIS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnFNqP66U6E&list=PLR_qm6dmnyOxp9XIMexsrCpd13zl39HpN&index=53&t=0s
It’s like very 2015 vibes lol but sooo good
Submission #10
I forget where I found these questions but it might help some people to answer them in a journal
1. What is the unmet need I want this person to meet?
(validation, comfort, love, safety…)
2. If I were to look at this person as a solution to my problem, what solution would they be offering?
(soothing anxiety, making me feel safe, providing comfort, love or approval that I am worthy)
(replace it with behaviors that honor your inherent worth instead)
3. who from my first family system does this person remind me of in their behavior, communication, or coping strategies?
4. if I’m being radically honest with myself, what fears or insecurities are coming up in me?
(too much, not enough, I’ll be alone forever etc.)
5. How can I begin to meet this internal need in another way, without relying on this person?
6. The next time I’m feeling triggered or anxious, who can I call instead of my ex?
7. the next time I’m feeling triggered or anxious and no one is around, how can I self-soothe?
Submission #11
Just because they never said it, doesn't mean they didn't feel it. What doesn't help, however, is sitting around and waiting for them to figure it out. You are better than that, and you deserve better than that. You want, frankly you need- someone that is going to recognise the things you like about yourself. That also starts with you liking yourself (but that's hard, so don't beat yourself up too much).
Submission #12
Staying friends with your ex doesn't have to be a bad thing. Unless they treated like absolute shit of course, then you're better off without them. But sometimes that person may be right for you, just not romantically. Don't let the stigma stop you being friends with your ex if that is what you feel is right for you and your happiness. :)